Quest to be a Real Lady

This past Christmas my dear Mother gave me a book entitled

How to be a Lady.

Ladies and gentleman, if this gift isn't screaming Lou Ann Pingree, then I don't know what is.

Apparently she thinks I need some help in that area. After first opening the book to read,

"A lady never dickers over the bill,"

I thought:

1. What does that even mean?

2. Who writes this stuff?!

I turned to the next page with hope that more of this book would be more applicable, only to read,

"A lady knows when it is acceptable to drink through a straw."

Wait, seriously?

Today's tip on How to be a Lady:

"A Lady is always ready before her first guest arrives. She does not answer the door in her robe or half made-up."

(Judging that I answered the door last night all ready for bed in a tall-tee and a freshly washed face... I figured this was appropriate to work on for now)

Grace Kelly, help a sister out.

"A lady's courtesies, the high esteem in which she holds herself and others, and her sincere words of praise and thoughtfulness will reflect her strong values and place her ahead in the minds and hearts of those who know her. Being thought of as a 'lady' may be one of the highest compliments a woman can receive in life."

Thank you Brooks Brothers and Mama Pingree.